Now that I have another round of chemo pretty much under my belt I suppose it’s time to give you all a quick update. This round wasn’t quite as easy as round 1. For one thing I ended up having a reaction to the chemo this time. Actually, it likely wasn’t the chemo but the agent they use to dissolve it. This is not uncommon, and they were able to just switch me over to a different form of the chemo and I didn’t have a problem.
After last week though, I got overly confident about how good I would feel for the next few days. As a result I wasn’t careful with what I ate or keeping as close a gauge on how my body felt and had some pretty bad nausea Thursday and Friday. Now that I’ve gotten that under control I’ve slowly felt a little better each day aside from being a bit achy in general. A single Tylenol has helped a lot with that.
The hardest part I think has been how precarious my physical state seems. It’s been difficult to predict even from one moment to the next how I’m going to feel and I haven’t always been able to pinpoint what can push me one direction or the other. Sometimes when I feel good I’ll all the sudden hit a wall and be down the rest of the day. Sometimes out of nowhere I’ll get a burst of energy in the middle of a mediocre day. Of course how I’m feeling emotionally is pretty dependent on how I’m feeling physically (it’s amazing how connected that can be).
I actually had a friend share a quote with me recently that she said reminded her of me. I went to high school with this friend, although we didn’t know each other well then, she recently lost her sister to cancer. We’ve been trying to reconnect for a year now and finally were able to share breakfast last Saturday. It was a sweet time talking about life, faith, grief. Afterwards she shared this quote with me and I immediately loved it. This is the attitude that I have long sought; I don’t always have control over my circumstances, but I do have control over how I react to them. It makes me glad to know that it shows.
One day she finally grasped that unexpected things were going to happen in life. And with that, she realized the only control she had was how she chose to handle them. So, she made the decision to survive using courage, humor and grace. She was the queen of her own life, and the choice was hers.
– Kathy Kinney