Before my surgery I had a lot of peace. I wasn’t disturbed by any potential outcomes of the road I’m currently walking. After surgery I wanted to cling to life. The prospect of not winning the fight against this cancer was a bit terrifying. I shared my feelings with my sister and she had an interesting observation. Basically she wondered if I was simply having a human reaction (fear) to a human intervention (the surgery). The more I thought about this and continue to think about it, the more I think she was 100% correct. But it’s bigger than that, it’s not just about the human interventions, it’s about my perspective as a whole.
I recently read a pamphlet given to me by a friend and written by John Piper called “Don’t Waste your Cancer”. I think the word “cancer” could be replaced with the word “suffering” in most of the points he makes because the truths he speaks go beyond just cancer. In fact I highly recommend it to any Christian (and it’s available for free here if you’re interested). A few of the points he makes could be generally stated as “We waste our cancer if we focus on the cancer instead of focusing on God.” This is exactly what I’m noticing myself. The more I read about cancer, statistics, possible treatment options, side effects of the chemo I’ll be getting, etc, the more stress I have over the situation as a whole. The more I focus on God and the fact that He’s in control the more peace I have.
Thursday I start chemo. I will only have chemo 1 day a week for now and the nurses tell me this will be a “walk in the park” compared to what I had before. We’ll see. Frankly I got a little nauseated just being in a chemo center when we went to see the doctor last Thursday. But there I go again. Instead of focusing on the chemo I need to remember that there’s only 1 thing that I KNOW can 100% heal me, and that’s not the chemo. This is why I covet your prayers. Pray not only for my healing but also that My focus will be on Christ my savior, not on the doctors, drugs or earthly methods.
2 Corinthians chapters 4 and 5 seem to be cropping up in my life a lot these days. Verse 4:18 talks about this very thing. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”