Blessed assurance Jesus is mine!
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine.
Heir of salvation, purchase of God
Born of his spirit, washed in his blood.
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long.
Perfect submission all is at rest.
I in my savior am happy and blessed.
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with his goodness, lost in his love.
I know I have a tough road ahead. It was tough the first time and I don’t expect it to be much better this time. But I only need to take it in small doses at a time, a day here, an hour there, not all at once. I hope this can continue to be my song as I walk this road.
The past 24 hours have not brought a lot more insight as to what the next step is, but I do have clarity on a few things. The first unknown is whether or not we will start with surgery again this time. My doctor wants to review the scans with a radiologist and do a little research on how much benefit there is to starting out with a surgery when it comes to a relapse of this type of cancer. If I have surgery it will be with the same surgeon who did my last surgery.
When it comes to chemo, nothing will be like it was last time. I will not be staying in St Louis this time. I want to go home. The wheels are already in motion to get me set up to receive chemo at the hospital in my home town. I will be staying with my mom, in the home my dad built, on what I have called before “my own personal Tara.” Just like Scarlette got her strength from the land of Tara, somehow I always feel refreshed even by the mental image of the property around the house I grew up in. I’m excited to be there for when the lilacs bloom on my birthday, I haven’t seen them in years!
Many of you have been asking how you can help, what you can do. I know how helpless it can feel to be on the outside looking in and not knowing what truly helps. For now my advice is sit tight. At the moment we’re all in a waiting game to see what the first step of treatment will be. As most of you know this is a very aggressive and fast growing cancer. So once we know we’re not going to waste any time. I will be sure to keep you all posted as specific needs arise.