Ok, that’s mostly me pretending to be brave. But I can almost say that with enthusiasm. Tomorrow (Wednesday) I start the high-dose chemo. It’s intimidating, but it’s been nice to be able to pull myself out of the rut of feeling run down and sick for a few weeks and get some perspective before going in. When I was going through my regular chemo it was really hard to be able to have perspective, it felt like I was in an endless cycle of feeling awful. But now I feel able to face the next few weeks and realize that it’s just a phase, a season I need to go through that will only last a few weeks and then I can just recover.
I do think I’m starting to miss my hair. At the beginning I really was hoping that at least my eyebrows and eyelashes wouldn’t fall out. They held on for awhile but after round 5 I really started to notice them thinning. I’m down to about 1 1/2 eyebrows (seriously, the one brow is only about a half inch long). Well last Saturday night I had a dream that my eyebrows had grown back in. Then last night I had a dream that my hair was long and I was trying to curl it. I do have some fuzzies coming in on my brows, but I suspect they’ll fall out during this next round. None of my other hair seems to be growing back after 4 weeks off. I hope it doesn’t wait too long to start coming back. I don’t want to have to wear headgear in the hot St Louis summer weather! Although not having to shave my legs has been nice.
It will probably be awhile before I can post another update since I won’t have my computer in the hospital. In the meantime prayers that the side effects from the chemo would be minimal and that I could maintain a positive attitude would be much appreciated. I’ll catch you all on the flip-side.