I say that with a question mark because it only feels mostly true to say. I’ve completed all my rounds of regular chemo and am starting to feel like I’m recovering. I spoke with the nurse coordinator for my doctor at Barnes and they have me tentatively scheduled for an appointment and to be admitted to the hospital for the high-dose on Feb 15. That’s assuming I’m recovered enough that they feel comfortable moving forward (it’s amusing to me that they want me to be recovered so they can knock me down again).
As a quick note I should mention that while I’m in the hospital for the high-dose there will be some restrictions on what comes into my room to protect me from infection. One of those restrictions is on fresh cut flowers, so don’t bother sending flowers while I’m in the hospital.
Over the last few weeks I’ve struggled a bit with how to think about the high-dose. I’m not going to lie, it’s overwhelming. The experience of chemo so far has been rough. During the last few rounds I’ve barely had time to get recovered enough for them to move forward on schedule. The nausea and lack of appetite is no fun at all. The amounts of chemo they’ve been giving me so far are fairly aggressive as I understand it, and the high-dose will be similar medicines at 3-4 times what I’ve been getting so far!
I’m always hesitant to take medicine unless I feel it’s absolutely necessary, just the idea of the chemicals in my body has never been appealing. So to sit there hooked up to the IV with helpful/harmful chemicals literally pouring into my veins has never felt right. BUT, a friend of my mom’s stumbled across a verse early in my treatment that I just found out about that is so encouraging. Mark 16:18b “and when they drink deadly poison it will not hurt them at all.” These are among the last words spoken by Jesus on earth. I told a friend of mine about this verse and she suggested we print it out nice and big and hang it up where I can see it when they’re giving me the chemo. I say that’s not a bad idea at all.